Crossfit and Heroes

Before my car wreck I was an active person, accumulating several miles each week in addition to regular Crossfit workouts. If you aren't familiar with Crossfit, the essential structure is comprised of high-intensity movements from several fitness regimen like weightlifting, running, gymnastics, rowing, etc... In a standard WOD (Workout of the Day) you'll find varied exercises to support strength, metabolic/cardiovascular health, and mobility. I like the phrase stating that a Crossfit athlete is "stronger than a runner and faster than a lifter."

I participated in my first WOD on Christmas Eve. A friend had invited me to her box (in the Crossfit world, gyms are called a "box"), to workout with her. I was greeted by so many smiles! These people seemed actually EXCITED to workout!? What on earth was I getting myself into?? My friend introduced me to fellow athletes saying, "this is her first Crossfit workout!", to which the most common reply was, "Oh, you're gonna love it!" Well, I did fall in love and I fell in love hard.

Here is the funny thing: I have always been afraid of pushing myself physically, worried that I would embarrass myself or fail. This fear held me back from trying organized sports, both in childhood and as an adult. Despite my past fears and trepidation, I gave the workout my all. Wanna hear what happened? Well, I made it through the WOD and couldn't believe how great I felt afterward! Oh, physically I was a mess, but the emotional, spiritual payoff was amazing. I think it's because the process of pushing my mental and physical limits with a group of like-minded, encouraging athletes was a new experience. Soon, I'd gained enough skill and fitness that daily WODs made me feel fantastic all around. I set and hit some important fitness goals. I ran my first consecutive mile. I conquered a "real" push-up. I was hitting weightlifting PRs (personal records) and seeing some real muscle definition. Then, just 3 months after my first WOD, came the car accident.

I was driving home from an early morning workout when I was hit by a truck on the front passenger side of my tiny little car. I broke my left leg and my right arm, and suffered abdominal trauma that required and immediate surgery as well as a follow-up a few days later. I couldn't breathe without pain. I had one good leg, and one good arm, and my core muscles were a mess. Upon impact, my abdominal muscles tensed (a natural response to the impact of the crash), and because these muscles were flexed with no give, they partially ripped off their insertion and origin points along my lower ribs, pubic bone and iliac crest. In addition, the impact punched holes in these muscles and laid a pretty intense bruise across my chest and abdomen. The up-side? My internal organs were undamaged. I had no internal bleeding or rupture...a miracle I owe to Crossfit.

I was in the hospital for 5 weeks. During my recovery, I've had moments of complete and utter despair. It was quite a shock to go from a 250 pound deadlift to not being able to lift my torso off the bed. I've cried with frustration in physical therapy, trying just to bring my broken arm above my waist. I've felt like I will never be strong again. I've felt like giving up. That feeling is what brings us to the experience I had this morning, as a non-participating spectator at the Memorial Day Hero WOD, "Murph".

“Murph” is one of a line of classic Crossfit workouts known as Hero WODs, honoring men and women who have fallen in the line of duty. This one is in honor of Navy Lieutenant Michael Murphy, who was killed in action in Afghanistan on June 28th, 2005. One of my coaches at the box had checked in with me a few days back and I mentioned that I might come to cheer and support if I could find a ride. Well, she immediately offered to drive me and wouldn't let me back out the day before when I said I felt weird about it. So, she picked me up and we showed up to the box a few minutes before her 10 am heat began. There was a group already working out, and an air of nervous excitement as the next heat of athletes gathered, talked strategy and warmed-up. I rolled outside in my wheelchair to watch them start off on their first mile. ("Murph" is a beast of a WOD consisting of a 1-mile run, 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups, 300 air squats and then another 1-mile run.)

It was powerful to watch these amazing men and women push their bodies past what their mind said they could do, seeing on their faces the exhaustion and effort. I saw faces twisted in pain as callouses ripped open during pull-ups, I saw determination worn like a badge. I hollered what I thought were encouraging phrases like, "you got this!", "looking good!", and "way to go!". More than once I had to fight off tears as I watched. I was so proud, and if I'm being honest I was so jealous.

I know I will get better. I've had people tell me I'll come back from this and I'll be even stronger. I am so damn lucky that I will recover. I know that. But you see, it's my head that knows it, not my heart. I'll keep going, and trust that my heart will catch up with what my head knows. Until then, to the men and women who showed up today in honor of our fallen heroes, thank you. Thank you for reminding me what is important. For showing me that sacrifice is what makes us strong.  I'll see you next year for Murph.